Amateur Transplants

Dorsal Horn Concerto


>Ascites, oedema, appendix, anaemia;
>Embolus, embryo, eczema, cheyne-stokes;
>Empathy, apathy, atopy, allergy,autism, autopsy, arthroscopes.

>Infarction, infection, induction, injection;
>Inspection, palpation, phlebotomy, mumps;
>Bicuspid, bipolar, bigeminy, biceps, teratogenic, testicular lumps.

>You must say things like dysdiadakokinesia;
You can't say things like the patient's unable to clap their hands quickly together
while turning one over and over and over and over and over and over
Otherwise they'd know what you meant;
>So you use Latin words instead;
>So the buggers will never discover the meaning behind all the stuff that you said.

>Neurosis, necrosis, osmosis, psychosis;
>Intestinal, inguinal, cystic fibrosis;
>Lordosis, kyphosis, PE, halitosis;
>And leptospirosis;
>Aortic stenosis.

>Dyspepsia, dyslexia, dementia, depression;
>Paralysis, parasite, pleura, pellagra;
>Angina, andrology, antidote, antigen;
>Ventricle, vertigo, vomit, Viagra.

>You must say things like micturate, defecate, intercourse;
You can't say things like pissing and shitting and fuck
Although it's the same;
Although it's a pain;
>You have to use the Latin name.
>Like haematuria and steatorrhea;
Hepatic and splenic;
>Iatrogenic.

>But on the other hand if they understand the phrases that you say;
>Just confuse and bemuse by using eponymous names;
>Like Hunters and Ehlers-Danlos, Hurlers and Turners and Brown-Sequard.

>And if they understand that, acronyms are twice as hard;
>You need a BCG, ECG, ECT, EEG, PET, CBT, HRT

>Haematocrit, Haemorrhage, Haemorrhoids, Heparin;
>Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, Gross Heamatemesis;
>Maxilla, Axilla;
>Macular, Papular;
>Spatula, Scapular;
>Spermatogenesis.

>Avoid saying nutcase and mental and lunatic, fruitcake and screwy and mad;
>Terms like bipolar and frank schizophrenia tend not to go down so bad.

>So these are the words that are used;
>But surgeons of course are excused;
We can't have them getting confused!

I seriously love this song! By now, I guess I have actually listened to it for over ten times. It just makes me smile for no apparent reason. Haha. I am also astonished about the amount of words that I actually know from this video. See how one year of PT training plus a strong biology background can do to your brain capacity! What’s important is that it allowed me to enjoy this video! I’m mad.
Out of interest, I have decided to find out the meanings that I am unsure of. :P

Words and Definition

Ascites :
excess fluid in the space between the tissues lining the abdomen and abdominal organs (the peritoneal cavity).

Cheyne-Stroke respiration:
periodic respiration with cycles of respiration that are increasingly deeper then shallower with possible periods of apnoea. Typically, over a period of 1 minute, a 10-20 second episode of apnoea or hypopnoea is observed followed by respirations of increasing depth and frequency.

Autism:
brain development disorder that impairs social interaction and communication, and causes restricted and repetitive behavior, all starting before a child is three years old.

Psychosis:
a loss of contact with reality, usually including false ideas about what is taking place or who one is (delusions) and seeing or hearing things that aren't there (hallucinations).

Leptospirosis:
(also known as Weil's disease, canicola fever, canefield fever, nanukayami fever, 7-day fever and many more) is a bacterial zoonotic disease caused by spirochaetes of the genus Leptospira that affects humans and a wide range of animals, including mammals, birds, amphibians, and reptiles.

Steatorrhea:
the formation of non-solid feces. Stools may also float due to excess fat from malabsorption, have an oily appearance and be foul smelling. (lack of bile?)

Iatrogenic:
resulting from the activity of physicians; said of any adverse condition in a patient resulting from treatment by a physician or surgeon!!!:P (there is such word!)

Haematocrits:
a measuring instrument to determine (usually by centrifugation) the relative amounts of corpuscles and plasma in the blood hematocrit

Hemorrhoid:
varicosities or swelling and inflammation of veins in the rectum and anus.

Positron emission tomography (PET):
a nuclear medicine imaging technique which produces a three-dimensional image or map of functional processes in the body.

With thanks to Wikipedia and Medline.

Hope you have enjoyed and learn something new too! :D